I can say I’m a sundancer now, although I probably won’t be saying that too much in my day to day life. I did fast and complete that 4day ceremony though. I prayed, and did all that I expected of myself, even did a bit better. I spent a lot of that time reflecting and focusing in on what i was asking spirit to do for me and my loved ones.
Certainly every experience is in some way a preparation for the next, and at times during the exhaustion and intense thirst, I could feel that divine intention. For me it’s not intense love or giddiness, happiness or joy. It’s usually feeling that everything that happened in my life was intended to happen, but certainly not by me.
My intention for myself is often quite limited and not very far reaching beyond my day to day life. The sweat lodges, this sundance ceremony, yuwipi and pipe ceremonies all bring that perspective, and let me know that my daily choices are very important.
What I choose to carry within myself defines me.
This has everything to do with music. Ceremonial songs have entered my consciousness and now live there. They are a part of me, and interweave with all the music learning and melodies that also live within me.
This fusion is involuntary in a lot of ways, I just need to keep the channel open and keep telling myself that this process is ok.
See what happens.